Pleased to fleece

I saw this ad in BTM layout.
I must say, I admire the candour of the Landlord!!

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd:

Ever wondered who creates mail forwards? Countless hours are spent by one and all forwarding forwards. From 'funny video' to 'amazing pics' to 'sardar jokes' (my empathies) to 'sms jokes', everyone's seen 'em all.

this last time, while going through one such forward, i tried to picture myself creating one. Its not easy man!! Creating mail forwards is no longer amateurish stuff. It has its own protocol, it is well documented (but of course), it uses all available technologies and so on

here's a list of requisites as i see it

1. foreplay - you can't just attach a set of pics and write 'here goes'. At minimum there should be a "you won't believe this!! or "Check this out...u'll be surprised" etc etc. its just as in the big job!!

2. colours/dots - packaging man!! very important. no one wants to be associated with dull stuff. there should be a minimum of 3 colours, 5 font changes and a few italicized words. you could throw in a couple of gifs 'just for fun'

3. the link..hyperlink - there should be something under the skin of the mail. Most successful forwards that allegedly make their way to more than 50% of inboxes worldwide always entice the reader with hyperlinks. the links are mostly advertisement gimmicks, but thats ok. As long as you can click on the text, thumbs up!!

4. the connection - of course, the stuff should be good. It should connect with the reader. No connection implies a free ticket to the trash box.

Forward this to 5 people and i'll be happy. Forward this to 10 people, i'll be more happy. If you forward this to 50 people, i'll suggest that you read more than my blog

you think all this is bullshit? many have received forwards that they once forwarded, Have you met anyone, who has received a forward that he, originated? if you have, he's probably read this post..hmmm!!

cemented!

cement's been a recurring theme for me today. In the morning cement was the topic for the calvin & hobbes strip in TOI. After returning from office, i was glancing through the paper again and found that the T-shirt quote of the day was again related to cement. "drink cement, get stoned". pretty good!

i hovered over the calvin strip again and the sight of cement sticking to calvin and hobbes' back prompted a scary thought. How effective a tool for torture, grievance addressal, revenge etc can cement be! picture this - there is a person u want to badly hurt, but don't want any blood shed. Simple! tie him up, preferably with his limbs in awkward positions, pour cement over them and leave it to dry! boy! thats gonna cement his fate literally. how the hell is he gonna get it off him?

but seriously, cement can be a potent 'weapon of mass restriction'. i wonder why scriptwriters never thought of it. Imagine the prospects, Rajnikant has, to display his extra human (not to be confused with extra terrestrial, however suggestive his looks might be) skills.

Its the climax. Rajni who had been drugged and captured by the villian is covered from neck to toe in cement. An obviously irritated Rajni's temper is pushed to the limit when he sees the villian publicly challenging the heroine's modesty..next moment is heard a deafening roar from Rajni accompanied by vigourous shaking of the head and before anyone realises, cement splinters are flying in all directions and there stands Rajnikant, brushing off some dust off his shoulders, one eyebrow raised, giving his sexy look. thts fodder for a month of housefulls in chennai, i can bet.

concrete thought?